Middle Child Syndrome

*credits to photo owner

Since childhood until now, I have always felt that something is lacking in me, that I'm always not good enough and at some point I thought that I'm a failure in everything I do. When grew up around 15 yrs. old, I heard about this "Middle Child Syndrome" and I was able to relate to it because I'm experiencing what other middle child experience too. In the 18 years of my existence, I felt the love of my parents, that they care about me and they're there to support me. But there are just times when I feel pressured, I feel that I'm no good at anything that I fail at anything I do and most especially, I get jealous. Maybe it's normal, because as what I've read middle children always feel empty, jealous and pressured from their siblings especially to it elder sister or brother. My sister, she's smart and good at her studies and everything she does while me on the other hand, strives hard, doing the best that I could to caught their attention and prove to them that I'm also good. I have always been pressured. When I was in high school, my sister graduated as Salutatorian and I was happy for her but deep inside, I felt very pressured and nervous on how could I live up to the expectations of my parents, about me being able to follow the footsteps of my mother who graduated Valedictorian in her high school life and that of my sister who's a salutatorian. On the day of my graduation, I was not really excited about it because I know I cannot let my parents go into the stage and put all the medals on me like what they did on my sister. I was depressed that I wasn't able to give them the pride a daughter like me should have given. Other than that, there a lot of instances that I know was about me being a middle child, like I'm always jealous and I always notice my parents lending their side on my sister and brother and not on me whenever we're in a fight or some difficulties. They always scold me and not them when in fact I did nothing wrong.

Just a while ago, I have read this site and I was really able to relate myself. That a middle child like me always feel down, always get jealous, lacks self-confidence and feels empty all the time. And just like what the article said "she should be aware of the situation and resolve the problem from within, by overcoming the suppressed emotions that were kept from childhood " I think, it's really up to me on how I understand and react to situations. Maybe it's just on my mind telling me that my parents love them more than they do on me, etc. The article is right, no one or nothing can solve this issue except me. And I guess I should try to be more confident about myself, I have already improved and I think I should do more :)


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